I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
