Porn is love you can see.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
