Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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