Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
