so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
