i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
