I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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