i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
