At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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