The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
