Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize