he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
