just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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