Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
