It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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