North Korea, Best Korea!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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