I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
