your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
