Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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