Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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