Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
