Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
