I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
