I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
