I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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