isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
