Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
