i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
