the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
