Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
