Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
