oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
