This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
