Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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