Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
