Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
