Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
