ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
