You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
