every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
