his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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