Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
