I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
