The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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