i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
