Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
