how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
