You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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