she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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