is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
