the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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