trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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