More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
