Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
