Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
