Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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