hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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