Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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