your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
