My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
