i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
