Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
