Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I deserve this hangover.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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