Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
