Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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