plz talk dirty to me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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