the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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