You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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