so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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