Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
