I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
