How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
