so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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