He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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