we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize