If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
