Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
